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Wednesday, 1 May 2013

1970s greetings cards

On the subject on stationers (see previous post), here's a greetings card sold during the mid-70s. This one was recently found behind a radiator in the Scarfolk police department of homicide and light entertainment.

Back in 1976 James Sprout was found dead in a Scarfolk canal. He was in a sack weighed down by his favourite toys (Action Man 'plague doctor', Fisher-Price 'death row' and concrete Play-doh)

A murder investigation was soon underway but the police ultimately found no evidence of foul play. They concluded that James had somehow inflicted upon himself a severe head injury from behind then, delirious, climbed into the sack. A forensics expert postulated that while James snoozed, the sack was then dragged four miles by either a vast litter of feral kittens, or the ghosts of unvaccinated foreigners, to the canal bridge where James fell to his watery grave.

When James' grief-stricken parents learned of their son's tragic fate they entered a lengthy period of mourning, consoling themselves by opening a beach-front bar in Barbados where they moved the day after James' funeral.


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12 comments:

  1. Jon Peake1 May 2013 at 09:53

    I don't know whether to laugh or cry or have myself committed.

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  2. About me1 May 2013 at 10:06

    You could try all 3 independently or in combination, and see which feels right.

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  3. Anonymous1 May 2013 at 12:33

    i feel truly disgusted with myself for laughing at this. and annoyed with myself i didn't think of it first. such a mixed "bag" of emotions running the gamut.

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  4. About me1 May 2013 at 13:11

    I have to say, I'm actually pretty appalled with myself for creating it.

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  5. Andy1 May 2013 at 20:14

    Damned foreigners. Can't trust 'em alive OR dead...

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  6. Unknown2 May 2013 at 09:13

    James is lucky he made it to the canal with all the local side roads and carriageways he would have had to navigate!

    Mayor Littler, do the people of Scarfolk have any road safety campaigns like the Green Cross Code or Tufty Club?

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  7. English Pariah.2 May 2013 at 19:04

    I didn't have the action man plague doctor but I did have the action man talking witch finder general, with gripping hands.

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  8. Anonymous2 May 2013 at 22:32

    I had the Action Man van driver with ski mask and eagle eyes.

    Your friend in Civil Defence.

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  9. Aurelas3 May 2013 at 00:46

    Yet further proof that kittens are surprisingly dangerous in large groups and should always be approached with extreme caution and catnip.

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  10. Ian Burdon3 May 2013 at 13:13

    I regret my only experience with Action Man was the Action Man IRA Hunger Striker which came with a squeezy tube of real shit. I often wonder what happened to it although I suspect it was cremated after I recreated a dirty protest in my sister's doll's house. I asked my mum about it recently but all she would say was that she wouldn't give it the oxygen of publicity

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  11. C List Celebrity Workouts8 May 2013 at 19:36

    Is that an LSD microdot on the dog's tongue? You hardly ever get birthday cards with drug-taking pets on these days.

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  12. Unknown10 May 2013 at 21:57

    Aw. Had he endured but a few years longer he would've loved the My Little Pony 'Abbatoir'.

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