Under 7s Fire Service

The Under-7s Fire Service was one of several children's emergency services in Scarfolk. There was also a mountain/volcano* rescue team and an SAS-style toddler regiment. The children received little training but they did get a lolly if they were good and/or survived their first week of active duty.

Enrolment in such organisations became mandatory when a government study revealed that parents were only putting forward their least favourite children. This was a serious issue for the government because it diverted workloads away from, and reduced target quotas of, state child recycling facilities, which had been set up at great cost to deal specifically with processing unwanted, less-valuable offspring.


* Many children were sent to work at Lavaland.

See also: child terror groups and children's homicide forensics teams.

Amateur Execution Allowance

Though pushing people off buildings was all the rage in 1970s Scarfolk, it was quite damaging to concrete paving. Hundreds of paving slabs had to be replaced in 1974 alone, at an estimated cost of £35.

With some of the most at-risk slabs dating as far back as the early 1970s, a local charity called SPLAT (Society for Pavement Liberation from Amateur Terminations) dedicated itself to the protection of paving slabs and their heritage in general.

Though the charity raised awareness, it had little impact on the number of people impacting the valuable concrete from great heights.

The charity lobbied the council which eventually agreed to regulate the amount of people that could be hurled from tall buildings (see poster above).

Paving slab damage was reduced by 25%, but the problem transferred to locomotives, specifically their paintwork, which was at risk of chipping after  pushing people in front of trains became the new, preferred method of amateur execution.

See also: Living cement and concrete pornography.

5 Years Old

Scarfolk is 5 years old. Thank you to all who became residents and joined in the community activities. Which is your favourite post?