Wednesday 17 September 2014

North Scarfolk Independence & the "Unity Wall" (1974)

Back in 1973, residents of sparsely-populated North Scarfolk wrote to Father Christmas and asked if they could have independence. The North Scarfolkians had long felt that South Scarfolk had taken advantage of their natural resources - seashells - which they painted with pretty colours and glued together to make funny little characters and animals. These novelty items were valued as far afield as Wales.

Scarfolk Council eventually acquiesced. It granted North Scarfolk its independence and made it a gift of an unassailable, wall-shaped monument to celebrate its new-found sovereignty. The 'Unity Wall', as the south preferred to call it, also provided protection and comfort: The council was worried that North Scarfolkians might inadvertently fall off cliffs into the sea, so it made sure that the wall completely surrounded North Scarfolk. Positioned along its length were armed 'monument curators and attendants' who protected the wall for the North Scarfolkians and made sure they didn't accidentally wander out.

Occasionally, a few bad-mannered people from the North, who did not appreciate this artistic symbol of harmony, tried to spoil it for everyone else by attacking the wall, and the curators were forced to benevolently shoot these people for the sake of peace and brotherly understanding.

But on the whole, Scarfolk Council found North Scarfolk to be both amicable and manageable, so much so that it sent all its criminals to live there, presumably so that they could learn from their virtuous neighbours.


  1. Loving the subliminal "YES" on this fantastic monument...

  2. Hadrian says it's a darned good idea.

  3. Reminds me of a similar wall I shamefully got involved in back in the 1980's.

    Like the Great Unity Wall (it is great, isn't it?) it was curated by the people who built it, but for a very different reason...they were trying to keep out the 'Westies' who had some deep delusions about 'exporting' hippy dreams and leftie-pinko idealism to their peace-loving, if slightly grey neighbours.

    You couldn't make it up!

  4. Councillor Stone was recognised for his achievement in the construction of this pillar of the community. The phrase "stonewalled" was derived from his loyalty to the cause. His tragic death in a south scarfolk brothel should not taint his memory.