Friday 22 November 2013

Dr. Who in Scarfolk

Back in the 1970s the makers of BBC's Dr. Who could not find a location big enough to accommodate a story set on the surface of a desolate moon.

Scarfolk Council generously offered to demolish two hospices, an orphanage and a battered dolphin sanctuary to create the necessary space. However, the council neglected to warn the residents before they flattened the buildings.

Fortunately, the Dr. Who story also required an immense battlefield to be littered with dead and injured aliens.

Happy 50th anniversary!
(Click to enlarge).

Thursday 14 November 2013

BBC "Swap Shop" swaps (1976-1979)

"Multi-Coloured Swap Shop" was a popular Saturday morning children's show on BBC1 that began in 1976 and was hosted by presenters such as Noel Edmonds, Keith Chegwin and Peter Sutcliffe. It was centered around children phoning in to offer unwanted possessions in exchange for desired ones. The offers/wants were added to a board in the studio and broadcast to the nation. It was stopped after an investigation by the government's broadcast regulatory body discovered that the swap service was being exploited by gangs to traffic live organs. Below are a selection of rare screen shots.

The programme was so successful that some of the presenters went on to host their own shows such as "Cheggers Plays Pop" and "Ripsters Rips." Noel Edmonds was tragically killed in a horrific bean bag accident in 1979 but his corpse was resurrected with a slinky, Swarfega and four AAA batteries by sixteen year old Marie Grype, the first student to get an O-Level in Necromancy & Media Studies.

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Bonfire Night in Scarfolk

As tonight is Bonfire Night, instead of a postcard from the mayor's pharmaceutical collection, we thought we'd post an image of a 1975 box of fireworks that we just found in the cellar.

Back in 1970s Scarfolk, fireworks weren't used only during celebrations; they also had many other practical applications. For example, in  medicine and healthcare, they were used by dentists to remove enamel from healthy teeth; rockets were employed by surgeons to demean rowdy prostate glands; and sparklers were taped to children's hands to stop them biting their fingernails.

Fireworks also had everyday uses: beauticians applied them as speedier alternatives to waxing, and inner-city school teachers used them to create volcano deities, as volcano deities don't typically manifest in deprived urban areas. They were even tied to emotionally unstable homing pigeons with skyphobia in an attempt to rouse them from their anxiousness.

Of course, children also loved them and incorporated them into playground games such as 'holdy-sparkler-screamy-stubs' and 'doctors, nurses and ECT (electroconvulsive therapy)', but above all they tasted great and came in several flavours including fizzy lemon & lime (see image), pork & hair and whisky & unknown.

Enjoy Bonfire Night but remember: if your Guy Fawkes effigy groans or moves unexpectedly, please call a council exorcist before placing him on the bonfire. And always light your Guy at arm's length in case he tries to bite.

WARNING: Fireworks are dangerous. Do not try any of the above at home. If you are homeless, do not try under a railway bridge or in a shop doorway. Always light a firework at arm's length, preferably using the arm of someone who has a better education than you and therefore more societal value. Never pick up or throw a firework at someone. If you want to do something like that join the army and/or become a terrorist.