Thursday 11 December 2014

"Pious Peril" public information (1972)

When the stationery-worshipping cult of Officism became the dominant faith in 1970s Scarfolk (see Discovering Scarfolk for more details) all other religions were forced underground.

Consequently, outcast religious zealots would loiter outside schools and target vulnerable children. The devout deviants would try to entice youngsters into their cars with colourful, desirable books about eschatological and soteriological theology. Sometimes they would expose their tabernacles.

However, children weren't such easy prey. Officist schools taught their pupils rudimentary anti-religion logic, such as the well-known observation by Epicurus:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? 
Then he may have accidentally locked himself in the garage.
Is he able, but not willing? 

Then he may still be upset with you for eating that ham salad sandwich last April. 
Is he both able and willing? 

Then he may just be delayed for some reason, e.g., stuck in traffic.
Is he neither able nor willing? 

Then he may have lost his job due to an industrial accident, such as getting his beard caught in a factory machine. Or he might be striking over having to work 6 days a week without benefits.

Some children did inadvisedly go with these pious perverts, but only because they wanted to practice what they had learned in their kidney removal classes.


  1. God loves you. Or at least she will when she gets around to it.

  2. Or is god a sausage called bill? We live in a world of conundroms.. Frankly, it reinforces my habit of burning stuff and initiates my abiding hate of gypos. Not too keen on Arthur Askey as well. Check out my shit about George Formby.I'd like to burn him on that grill he invented. Arse.

  3. My vanilla-cherry ice cream turned out to be a host-wine flavoured trap, so I had to spent 36 hours in offices waiting rooms to feel better.