In the mid-1970s, the government introduced a series of questionable taxes. One was the Physics Tax, which was announced via leaflets posted to every household.
"As you know, gravity is supplied to you not unlike like gas, electricity or water. Creating, maintaining and distributing the forces of physics is an expensive national undertaking and the cost of running the Gravity Generator Plant in Scarfolk costs millions of pounds annually. Sustaining the right balance of gravity isn't easy and even the smallest error in calculation could leave many people at risk of floating away, perhaps irretrievably. This is why it's important that you pay your Physics Tax on time (including any surcharges), as well as report any illegal immigrants who destabilise the finely-tuned distribution of gravity."
Though countless immigrants (and citizens who made friends with immigrants) were allegedly deported between 1975 and 1979, the sudden disappearance of more than 1200 registered citizens was blamed on their failure to pay the Physics Tax. Without the appropriate levels of gravity to keep them earthbound, they had, according to the government, probably been sucked into outer space. However, by the end of the decade, it became clear that the state had lied about its capability to supply citizens with the forces of physics. Scarfolk's Gravity Generator Plant was revealed to be a facility built specifically for processing political undesirables, immigrants or otherwise, into cheap snacks for visiting tourists.
They supposedly ran a rebate scheme for lighter people I had 2 legs amputated only to find out it was a typing error on the assessment form. I eventually had to pay extra due to my metal prosthetics.
ReplyDeleteYou should read the leaflet on how to make your own prosthetic limbs out of an old washing up liquid bottle (with a bit of tape over the name "Fairy"), some lollypop sticks and of course some sticky backed plastic.
DeleteTrue, you know you can also make your own teeth by drying out jolly green giant sweetcorn. Easily implanted using nail tacks and a small hammer. :)
DeleteThanks guys , ill give that a try anything to stop this chafing....
DeleteFucking freeloaders have never pulled their weight. The gravity tax was a progressive tax but was never given time. Shame it has been forgotten but hopefully now we have broken free of Europe it will be reinstated.
ReplyDeleteGravity wasters aplenty, I know plenty of oxygen wasters round where I live. They should be taxed as well!! Wasting oxygen should be penalised with a plastic bag over the head or half an hour in a sealed up kitchen with the oven on!!!
DeleteWell Said! Everyone needs to share the burden of the cost for keeping everything well grounded.
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