Thursday 29 September 2016

Accidents in the Workplace (1971)

In the first half of the 1970s, accidents in the workplace increased one-hundred fold, largely because work equipment and machinery were poorly maintained by employers. In fact, health and safety guidelines were so frequently overlooked by corporations that the government could see no reason why employees shouldn't be able to accurately foresee and schedule the life-changing accidents that would befall them; especially because every major company was obliged to provide its workers, as per union regulations, with the services of a clairvoyant or witch.

In January 1971 the scheduling of accidents became policy. The state would only pay disability benefits and/or sick pay if the time and nature of an employee's workplace accident had been approved in advance by his employer.

Employees who had unplanned accidents as a result of their employer's negligence were accused of unprofessionalism and many were fired for damaging company resources and impeding productivity.

Some enterprises, however, turned the nuisance of careless workers to their advantage: One company that manufactured metal warning and safety signs for Scarfolk Council saw its employees mutilated by volatile machinery so many times that it stopped sign-making and moved into the far more lucrative decorative finger business.


  1. If I had sixpence for every time someone offered me a decorative finger!

    The middle one is the decorative finger, right?

  2. I loved grinding wheels, I lost a toe 4 teeth and an ear due to my love of grinding wheels. I have never worked a day in my life.....

  3. Thank goodness I scheduled my accident. For catching my little finger in the filing cabinet at the dhss, I was awarded £3500.

  4. I must be more careful next time...

  5. A mere 3 or 4 decades of hardship,deprivation and betrayal have well rid me of any delusions of decency or morals from employers!