Thursday 13 October 2016

Points-Based Citizenship (1972-)

While politicians debated a points-based system for immigrants in the early 1970s, Scarfolk went a step further and introduced a similar system for existing citizens.

The council didn't see why it should be burdened with unimportant, objectionable people.

Surprisingly, many citizens had never even entertained the idea that their country of birth was purely accidental and that their value to society might be lower than that of a pack of disposable nappies or a plate of tripe*, never mind better educated, more civilised foreigners.

Between 1972 and 1976 thousands of British citizens were deported to an immense raft which floated five miles off the coast of Blackpool. Realising that they were now the foreigners they had previously denigrated, the deportees hurled racist abuse at themselves and each other and frequently got into fights.

* see Citizen Values for further details.


  1. We spoke backslang on our council estate they deported my father to the bullring in Birmingham and buried him alive in one of the support columns. It was a pity because he was a university professor. None of us liked him though.

  2. Since being deported, I've learned a lot. Mostly, I've learned about the natural foods that can be foraged in the forests of South America. The natives here don't taste as good as the citizens of Scarfolk, but beggars can't be choosers.

  3. I see no reason why such an enlightened policy should be limited to the County of Scarfolk, and would like to see it fully implemented into the Greater United Kingdom, having confirmed that my ignorance and vulgarity is insufficient to warrant mandatory deportation (one of my children I am not so sure about, but he frequently wonders off and is likely to be disposed of safely by the Junior Detonation Task Force anyway). Is there any chance you might see your way to proposing it on ? (Or giving your blessing to someone else trying?) I would very much like to see my ignorant and vulgar neighbours (not the nice ones) deported, particularly those that vote incorrectly or do not clean up their dog's pooh.

    Only 100,000 signatures required to get it debated in parliament...

  4. The citizen of Scarfolk thank you

  5. Scarfolk once again showing that reality imitates art.