Thursday 8 February 2018

Amateur Execution Allowance

Though pushing people off buildings was all the rage in 1970s Scarfolk, it was quite damaging to concrete paving. Hundreds of paving slabs had to be replaced in 1974 alone, at an estimated cost of £35.

With some of the most at-risk slabs dating as far back as the early 1970s, a local charity called SPLAT (Society for Pavement Liberation from Amateur Terminations) dedicated itself to the protection of paving slabs and their heritage in general.

Though the charity raised awareness, it had little impact on the number of people impacting the valuable concrete from great heights.

The charity lobbied the council which eventually agreed to regulate the amount of people that could be hurled from tall buildings (see poster above).

Paving slab damage was reduced by 25%, but the problem transferred to locomotives, specifically their paintwork, which was at risk of chipping after  pushing people in front of trains became the new, preferred method of amateur execution.

See also: Living cement and concrete pornography.


  1. Tis a pity tarmac never made it because of the time loop . Durable easy to apply and less likely to cheap to install using slave Irish labour* ( 70*s humour)

  2. SPLAT. Greatest acronym ever. Them authority figures at Scarfolk sure were cheeky when the mood struck them and the theme fit right.

  3. This was nonsense. They absolutely turned a blind eye if you used the flat roof of Wilkes' MoT garage adjacent to the abbatoir.

    1. It was allowed because it was a great source for the meat recycling scheme to provide cheap suppies for school lunchs and hospital cafeterias.Very profitable.