Wednesday 1 May 2013

1970s greetings cards

On the subject on stationers (see previous post), here's a greetings card sold during the mid-70s. This one was recently found behind a radiator in the Scarfolk police department of homicide and light entertainment.

Back in 1976 James Sprout was found dead in a Scarfolk canal. He was in a sack weighed down by his favourite toys (Action Man 'plague doctor', Fisher-Price 'death row' and concrete Play-doh)

A murder investigation was soon underway but the police ultimately found no evidence of foul play. They concluded that James had somehow inflicted upon himself a severe head injury from behind then, delirious, climbed into the sack. A forensics expert postulated that while James snoozed, the sack was then dragged four miles by either a vast litter of feral kittens, or the ghosts of unvaccinated foreigners, to the canal bridge where James fell to his watery grave.

When James' grief-stricken parents learned of their son's tragic fate they entered a lengthy period of mourning, consoling themselves by opening a beach-front bar in Barbados where they moved the day after James' funeral.


12 comments:

  1. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or have myself committed.

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  2. You could try all 3 independently or in combination, and see which feels right.

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  3. i feel truly disgusted with myself for laughing at this. and annoyed with myself i didn't think of it first. such a mixed "bag" of emotions running the gamut.

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  4. I have to say, I'm actually pretty appalled with myself for creating it.

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  5. Damned foreigners. Can't trust 'em alive OR dead...

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  6. James is lucky he made it to the canal with all the local side roads and carriageways he would have had to navigate!

    Mayor Littler, do the people of Scarfolk have any road safety campaigns like the Green Cross Code or Tufty Club?

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  7. I didn't have the action man plague doctor but I did have the action man talking witch finder general, with gripping hands.

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  8. I had the Action Man van driver with ski mask and eagle eyes.

    Your friend in Civil Defence.

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  9. Yet further proof that kittens are surprisingly dangerous in large groups and should always be approached with extreme caution and catnip.

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  10. I regret my only experience with Action Man was the Action Man IRA Hunger Striker which came with a squeezy tube of real shit. I often wonder what happened to it although I suspect it was cremated after I recreated a dirty protest in my sister's doll's house. I asked my mum about it recently but all she would say was that she wouldn't give it the oxygen of publicity

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  11. Is that an LSD microdot on the dog's tongue? You hardly ever get birthday cards with drug-taking pets on these days.

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  12. Aw. Had he endured but a few years longer he would've loved the My Little Pony 'Abbatoir'.

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